February 28, 2006

The 2002 Worst of the Slate Awards

Dec. 16, 2002

The Staff here at WOTS proudly presents:The First Annual Worst of the Slate Awards Nominations! Please vote early and often. Votes will be tabulated by WOTS's crack staff (again, who are not actually on crack), and recounted by machine. Where voter intent is in doubt, the vote will be recounted again by a robe-wearing cleric using an electron microscope. Winners will be announced Friday night, December 20, unless we can't find the cleric. Good luck to all the nominees (sort of)!

1) WOTS "Should Be A Eupehmism" of the year:a) poking into frowsy leafb) fissile materialc) worked the freakster veind) boinging simultaneously toward the hoope) going back to England

2) Worst Writer:a) Scott Shugerb) Bryan Curtisc) Hugo Lindgrend) Virginia Heffernan

3) Worst headline:a) "How to watch the Masters" appearing after the Masters was overb) "Behind every great woman is a dead husband" headline directly above the "Charges brought in the murder of Daniel Pearl..." headline.c) "The upside of violence in Israel. Better soccer."

4) NyQuilissue of the Year:a) Steve Carter resigned from the President's Council on Bioethicsb) The feud between Cornell West and Larry Summersc) Steve Landsberg discusses the econometrics of peeling a bananad) Andrew Sullivan's dispute with Howell Rainese) Wine spitting

5) Worst line of the Year:a) "the most lamentable development of the postwar authors' fascination with the 'unconscious' was the way New Critics and the Literary Novel Industry colluded to create a warped idea of fiction?"b) Rob Walker: "doesn't two minutes of sex followed by microwaved soup sound, you know, pretty pathetic?"c) Scott Shuger calling a Frayster a "pus nut."d) Joe Klien saying Dick Gephardt "probably [has] too much mayonnaise on his sandwich." e) Jason Cohen referring to the "relics of the post-punk, pre-Nirvana '80s Minneapolis scene."f) Virginia Heffernan wondering if "a bout with drugs, if survived, can enhance late-life handsomeness."g) Franklin Foer calling Milton Berle a "very Jewy-Jew."h) Michael Steinberger: "My method of spitting has always been more or less indistinguishable from my approach to vomiting—place my head above the bucket, open my mouth, and let gravity pretty much handle the rest."

6) Worst Sports Article:a) Jose Canseco belongs in the Hall of Fameb) Lingren says Jason Giambi is the problem with the Yankees.c) Robert Weintruab says Yao a lottery pick. Last year said he wasn't.d) Lindgren says The Lakers deliberatly use the rope a dope strategy in playoff games.e) Curtis compares Drew Blesoe to Babe Ruthf) Alex Heard says the best way to watch The Masters is to drink beer, smoke pot, and sleep through much of it.g) Tommy Soccoa says people from Asia can play sports too!

7) WOTS "Whoops" of the Year:a) Sullentrop praises Bob Knight, team loses in first round of NCAA.b) Lindgren criticizes Jason Giambi. Giambi goes 3-4 with a HR that day.c) Hamas controlls Israel. Israel kills prominent Hamas leader that day.d) Lithwick writes long series about how Zach Moussaoui won't plead guilty. He tries to.e) Noah gets article on Amtrack wrong because he got the names of its trains confused.

8) Worst Links:a) Bryan Curtis linking to espn.com almost every weekb) Other Web Sites linking to Slate articles.c) Other Web Sites links to Andrew Sullivan complaint about male circumcisione) Kausfiles linking to other bloggers

9) Worst Loss to Slate:a) Michael Kinselyb) TMQc) Moira Redmondd) Scott Shuger

10) WOTS Review of the Year:a) "Al Gore is Al Gore" by Joe Klienb) "Yuck" by David Edelsteinc) Andrew Weiner compares Dan Nakamura to Phil Spector and Brian Eno.d) Heffernan calls the Emmys "totally great."

11) Worst Idea of the Year:a) Losing TMQb) Kausfilesc) Stopping the Best of Fray columnd) Beating up on the recently deade) Having TV reviewer who doesn't like TVf) The wedding siteg) "Dad again"

12) Worst Best Name for a Slate Writera) Hart Seelyb) Avi Schickc) Plotzd) Mim Udovitche) Dhalia Lithwick

13) Worst Ad1) Prius2) Qwest3) ESPN Bobbleheads4) Ritz camera

14) WOTS "family organization" member of the Yeara) Jennifer Garnerb) Peneolpe Cruzc) Jill Hennsesy

15) The WOTS Reader's Choice Award:This award has no topic. The nominees are:a) Heffernanb) Saletanc) pictures of childrend) moving to Englande) blob adsf) game theoryg) The need for a _

Notes: All nominees, even the doozies, have actually appeared in Slate over the past year. If a Frayster thinks WOTS has missed an obvious nominee, think again unless you have also written 27 WOTS columns, but WOTS will still take think about it.

Dec. 24, 2002

The 2002 WORST OF THE SLATE AWARDS!

Welcome to the First Annual Worst of the Slate Awards, honoring the worst Slate had to offer in the last year (or at least whenever WOTS was paying attention). If you are with us for the first time, WOTS is a weekly (when it wants to be) look at the bad journalism/words filling the e-pages of Slate, your favorite (or maybe not) semi-moderate/liberal/with exceptions political/life/host of the Fray magazine (some of which might be illegal!). The nominees were annoucned earlier this month after a painstaking (not really) review of Slate and the 27 WOTS columns this past year. So now, without further ado (what is this "ado" anyway?)....WOTS proudy presents the winners!

WOTS "Should Be A Eupehmism" of the year:Boinging simulataneously toward the hoop.

Worst Writer:Bryan Curtis

Worst headline:"Behind every great woman is a dead husband" headline directly above the "Charges brought in the murder of Daniel Pearl..." headline.

NyQuilissue of the Year:The feud between Cornell West and Larry Summers

Worst line of the Year:Tie!Was "the most lamentable development of the postwar authors' fascination with the 'unconscious' was the way New Critics and the Literary Novel Industry colluded to create a warped idea of fiction?"Franklin Foer calling Milton Berle a "very Jewy-Jew."

Worst Sports Article:Bryan Curtis compares Drew Bledsoe to Babe Ruth.

WOTS "Whoops" of the Year:Tim Noah gets article on Amtrack wrong because he got the names of its trains confused.

Worst Links:"Other Web Sites" linking to Slate articles.

Worst Loss to Slate:TMQ

WOTS Review of the Year:Andrew Weiner compares Dan Nakamura to Phil Spector and Brian Eno.

Worst Idea of the Year:Dad Again

Worst Best Name for a Slate Writer:Mim Udovitch

Worst Ad:Qwest

WOTS "family organization" member of the Year:Jennifer Garner

The WOTS Reader's Choice Award:Pictures of children

Congratulations to all the winners! In closing, WOTS would like to thank its truly remarkable staff, loyal WOTSies everywhere, Billy Crystal, Emma Brune, and last but not least, Slate, without whom none of this would be possible. Happy holidays, Happy New Year and Good Night!

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